Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
