also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
