She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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