that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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