girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
