You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
