My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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