Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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