he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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