dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
