So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
