Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
