I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
