tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
