I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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