I got her a Nickelback box set.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Randomize
