I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
