So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
