Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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