We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
me + whiskey = a bad person
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
