i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
