Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Randomize
