There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I understand Curling. That high.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
