wanna go halves on a baby?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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