Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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