Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
