pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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