we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
