Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
