Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
