last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
