Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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