She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
