So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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