I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
