do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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