i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Actions speak louder than pants.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
