your thong is hanging out like whoa
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
