I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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