now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
