we're blogging at a bar
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
She has the best kind of daddy issues
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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