Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Who died my cat blue again?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
