i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
