Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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