i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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