Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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