we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
