bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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