2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
