I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
