were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
