That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Randomize
