Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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