I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
