I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
