Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
