The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
