The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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